Couples Habits: 16 Small Things That Keep You Close

Nobody decides to stop the walk after dinner. One week it rains. The next week one of you has a deadline. A month later you're both on the sofa with your phones, and neither of you can say when the walk stopped.

That's how the small things go. Nothing went wrong between you. The habit just had nothing holding it in place.

This is a list of small things to do with your partner, sixteen of them, sorted by the part of the day they fit. You don't need all sixteen. You need one that you both like enough to do again next week.

What makes a couple's habit stick

Three things decide whether a habit is still alive in a month.

It works on a bad day. If it needs a free evening and two good moods, it's a plan, not a habit. Ten minutes is plenty.

It hangs on something you already do. The first coffee, the walk from the station, the dishes. "After dinner" is a time you'll actually reach. "When we have a moment" never comes.

Neither of you is in charge of it. The moment one of you has to remind the other, it becomes a chore with a manager. Pick something you'd both say yes to when you're tired.

In the morning

Mornings are short, so these are short too.

• Make each other's morning drink. The right mug, the right amount of milk, and nobody asks.
• Coffee in bed. Whoever wakes first brings two coffees back, and nobody gets up until both mugs are empty.
• Say what's in your day before you leave. The real version, dreaded bits included.
• A real kiss goodbye. Not the automatic one on the way to the keys.

The third one pays you back in the evening. If you know they had the meeting they were dreading at three, you have something to ask about when they walk in. "How was your day" gets "fine." "How did the three o'clock go" gets a story.

When you both get home

This is the part of the day that decides the evening. You both walk in tired, and the first ten minutes go to the post, the bins and what's for dinner.

• Ten minutes of welcome home. Coat off, drink poured, and not one chore mentioned for ten minutes.
• Get off a stop early and walk the rest together. Take the streets you never use.
• Tell them one thing you noticed. Something they did this week without being asked. Say it out loud.
• Do the chore you'd each do alone, together. Fold the laundry shoulder to shoulder.

The laundry one sounds like nothing. Try it. You talk differently when your hands are busy and nobody is looking straight at anybody.

After dinner

The hour after dinner is where the phones win. These give it something else to be.

• The walk around the block. One loop, the dishes left in the sink, the phones left at home.
• The dishes, side by side. Trade the real high and the real low of the day while you do them.
• Big light off, one lamp on. The room changes, and so does how long you stay in it.
• One song in the kitchen. One of you picks it. Dance badly.

If you only take one thing from this list, take the walk. It's twenty minutes, it costs nothing, and it's where you used to talk about your day.

Before bed

The end of the day is usually two people scrolling next to each other until one falls asleep.

• The last drink of the night, outside. A balcony or a doorstep will do. The phones stay indoors.
• Go to bed at the same time. Earlier than you have to.
• Tell a story from before you met. Lights off, and one they've never heard.
• The hug nobody lets go of. The first ten seconds are a bit silly. Then they aren't.

How to start this week

Pick one. Only one.

Tie it to a time you already have, like "after dinner on Tuesday", and say it to each other so it exists. Then do it, and see if you both want it again next week.

Don't track it. No chart, no streak, no score. If you miss a week, you do it the week after and nobody owes anybody anything. We built a couples habit tracker with streaks once and then took it all out. The reasons are in habit tracker for couples: what to use instead of streaks.

How does Cuplido help couples keep small habits?

Cuplido keeps the small things happening without a tracker. It picks one and puts it on a day you're both free. Every habit on this list comes out of Cuplido, and in the app you don't pick from a list.

You tell Cuplido what you two miss: quality time, communication, fun, adventure or romance. You say when you're usually free. Then, on a day you both have time, one of these shows up already chosen. There's also a plan with a day and a time you can put in your calendar, and one question a day that you each answer alone and read together. Any time you think of them, you can send a kiss or a doodle. On the days you're busy, Cuplido stays quiet, and nothing gets marked as missed.

Want to see one first? Get one plan for tonight, or take the free relationship quiz: six questions, no signup.

Common questions

What are good habits for couples? The ones tied to something you already do. Make each other's morning drink, walk around the block after dinner, do the dishes side by side, go to bed at the same time. Pick one, not all of them.

How do couples stay close when they are busy? Keep one habit that takes ten minutes and still works on a bad day. A real kiss goodbye and ten minutes together when you both get home will carry a busy week. Leave the bigger plans for a week when you have room.

What if my partner is not into it? Don't call it a habit, and don't announce it. Just do the thing once: bring the coffee, suggest the walk. If they liked it, do it again next week. Pick something they would say yes to when they are tired.

Do we need an app for couples habits? No. Everything on this list works without one. An app helps with one part: deciding what to do and when, so neither of you has to be the one who remembers.

Related reading: conversation games for couples, and feeling like roommates, and how to reconnect.